Painful Stage

No pain, no gain... and just how long can I sustain in this pain?

But thanks be to God, who reveals just what I needed to press in... pain... the pain of knowing that I have not got it (deep things of God) yet, the pain of knowing that I need to stretch to get it, the pain of knowing that it's just round the corner but you don't know how long more...

Err... let me see, how do I utter "thank You Lord" in all sincerity of my heart in the midst of it all? But all I really want to say is "forgive me Lord... I want more..."

The pain I'm talking about, is the realization that I've been shortchanging myself in my pursuit of knowing God. I've often stopped short at the 'revelation' stage and have never really pressed in deeper. I have subtly allowed myself to 'overstay' in the revelation stage, cos it feels good!

Revelation is necessary, as it inspires us to go deeper. It awakens us deep within in our pursuit of knowing God. Like a carrot ^_^. Yet it will be 'wasted' on us if we do not treasure it by responding to it. What is God saying to us? What is the message on His heart? What does He want us to do? We need to respond with our heart, for negligence to do so will reap a dead-sea syndrome - full of knowledge but no life...

Perhaps I have been pressing in for more, but vaguely, 'hoping for the best' kind of pressing in. >_< why do I feel so wretched? It's like it's mine (my portion and inheritance to know God deeper still) yet I forfeited it out of my own human folly and I-think-I've-had-enough-for-now mentality.

The Three Layers of going deep in God

1. Revelation - often the 'feel good' stage where God strikes one's heart with a truth.

2. Wisdom & understanding- ability to make sense of the revelation and live it out progressively.

3. Insight & clarity - knowing the heart of God and ability to pull together the word/message in a big picture / scheme of things, bringing conviction to self and others.

This kind of pain, I don't really want to 'pray away', but I will ask God for grace in the pressing in. My confidence is that if I ask according to His heart for me, God will surely answer it. Praise God for sacred assemblies in prayer & seeking His face (night & day, Lord!), nudges from like-minded community of friends in this pursuit and godly teachings.

Matthew 5:3-12

Blessed are the poor in the spirit

For theirs is the kingdom of heaven

Blessed are those who mourn

For they shall be comforted

Blessed are the meek

For they shall inherit the earth

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness

For they shall be filled...