Uncomfortable Comfort

After some good months of reading the bible diligently, I felt a sense of restlessness – in a good way.

I was restless because I seem to be gaining a lot of information and knowledge (which I’m thankful for), yet my heart was not stirred in a corresponding measure.

There seems to be a ‘block’ somewhere inside of me – while my mind is being renewed and amazed with what I’m (cognitively) learning, I needed to remove the ‘block’ that will stir my heart and inner-man.

It all became clearer why I was passively ‘resisting’ the removal of this ‘block’ when I was listening to a teaching. The topic was on the global prayer movement at the End-of-the-Age. It was the message for the now! It was what the Holy Spirit is orchestrating, in bringing the church to understanding God’s heart, in ushering in the return of Jesus and the age-to-come (eternity)! It was one of the messages where there is a very clear Amen in your heart... It's of God, from God and it is now!

My heart stirred. But interestingly, it was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable because I know that if I were to respond to this stirring, my life will be turned upside down. You see, it was one of those messages that you clearly cannot listen and walk away living life business-as-usual. A sub-conscious block then entered my heart – it’s ok to just listen, don’t get too excited, it’s good teaching and that’s about it. And I felt comfortable again – cos nothing needs to change really, or so urgently.

That encounter with what’s happening inside of me left me astounded. Do I want an uncomfortable comfort, which has the true dose of reality or am I just contented with a comfortable comfort and just cruise in life... void of God? >_<

Oh Lord, You are a God who is faithful and full of mercy! According to your great love and surpassing mercy, blot out my blocks… I repent for passively resisting your Word of Truth for the hour, so that I can do my own things and cruise.

But in this hour, the Spirit of God is guiding us to seeing what You are doing. I do not see! I do not know! I ask for grace to strengthen my resolve to press in for understanding and live a life of obedience to Your truth and what the Spirit of God is saying, even if it is uncomfortable. I ask for wisdom in living out what You have called me to – to be and to do.

Do not let me go! Do not let me stay where I am! Until I become fully mature in love and partnership with Jesus. You are the vine, we are the branches. Even when it gets uncomfortable in this pruning, I say yes to You!

Create in me a stirring that I will watch and pray. Strike my heart like a hammer, like a fire, that I may speak forth Your word!

In Jesus' Name I pray... Amen!